Tall Armenian Tale
The Other Side of the Falsified Genocide


(This page is a continuation from Part I)



Alice in Genocideland

"Alice in Genocideland"


Alice music

The Tanerpillar

Continuing on her journey, Alice came upon a figure smoking a hookah pipe, wearing Middle-eastern shoes and lounging indolently... just like a Turk! Could it be? Were Turks allowed in Genocideland?

"Whooo... R... U...? Friend or foe?" asked the TANERPILLAR. "Why, I'm a friend!" answered Alice, cheerily.

"Oh, really." The Tanerpillar could never be sure anymore. Genocideland's inhabitants were friendly only when he "behaved." Yet, it wasn't all bad. More of his kind had joined in, eager to get a piece of the easy living. However, why did he still feel alone... so very alone?

"Oh, do please tell me," Alice implored. Perhaps she could finally get an idea of the "other side" of the story.. "Are you really a Turk?"

"A Turk, am I?" The Tanerpillar leaned forward and began to sing:

Turks are evil, Turks are cruel
Turks spill blood, as a rule
Turks lie, unlike I
I have hones-teeee
I have integri-teeee
You think I'm a Turk? Meeee?
You're a fool!

Alice was despondent. "Oh dear," she thought aloud. "Isn't there anyone who can tell me the real truth in Genocideland?"

"We'll tell you!" came the cry, and out bounced two eager characters, renowned to be among the most "expert" in all the land... they were TWEEDLEDICK and TWEEDLEDADE.

There was something very slick about the pair, Alice thought. Indeed, it was very hard to tell them apart! They moved alike, they thought alike, and they looked alike. One seemed to have a little more bounce to him. The other... he seemed darker, more humorless. As if the morbid business of genocide had withered away his very soul.

Tweedledick and Tweedledade offer to clear Alice's mind of her genocide questions
Tweedledick and Tweedledade  lecture Alice

The two began an incessant barrage!

Tweedledade: "Murderous Turks participated en masse in the killings of Armenian martyrs, using blunt instruments to prolong their agony."

“Moslems were killing Christians everywhere in the 19th century,” chimed in Tweedledick.

Over and over they spilled their blather, amounting to:

Turks are evil, Turks are cruel
Turks spill blood, as a rule

Alice had to hold her ears to ward off the hatred.

Alice asked, Didn't Armenians kill Turks?

Tweedledick replied, Only in self defense! My father, "when he had an opportunity, would kill something."

"Something?" Alice asked. "Don't you consider the ones your father killed human beings?"

"30 members of my father's immediate family were murdered!"

"And yet your grandmother survived to fill your head with stories? What of your family, Tweedledade?"

"Ahhh..." Tweedledade paused. "My wealthy family survived, because... because my father was liked by the Turks, you see, and, and..."

Alice begins to rattle Tweedledick and Tweedledade

"Hey, hey, what are you doing?" exclaimed Tweedledick. "Why are you letting the Turks off the hook?"

"I am not! Turks are evil, Turks are cruel..."

"You're an agent of the Turkish government!"

"Am not! Turks murdered over a million Haiks!"

"No, they murdered 1.5 million!"

"You're crazy! They murdered 2 million!"

"But," Alice interrupted, "weren't there only about 1.5 million Armenians in the entire Empire? And don't the both of you agree one million survived?"

Both Tweedledick and Tweedledum shouted, "NUMBERS DON'T MATTER!"

Tweedledick and Tweedledade themselves disagree

Suddenly, there was a roar in the forest. It was the wild cry of QUEEN TESSA! She heard reports there was a "denier" in her domain, and she was not going to stand for any of it.

"OFF WITH HER HEAD!" Queen Tessa bellowed.

All of her subjects began scampering away in fright. "I am not a denier," Alice objected. "And, besides, should there not be a trial, before the sentence?"

NO! The Queen answered, indignantly. "Only in European countries that we have conquered, as France and Switzerland, do we take deniers to trial. But here, we have no use for our civilized intimidation tactics. If there's anyone who does not see eye-to-eye with Genocideland, we will destroy them without mercy!"

Queen Tessa Hoffas and Poffas
Alice in peril

Genocideland's foot soldiers began to chase Alice. Alice knew they would tear her apart... they would run background checks on her, they would try to magnify any indiscretion in her past, they would represent her as an agent of the Turkish government, they might even try to bomb her house. Such was the degree of zeal and fanaticism of those who dwelled in Genocideland!
Alice awakens... it was all a dream!

Alice was so frightened, she suddenly awakened. "Goodness!" she said. "It was all a dream."

The girl began to reflect on what her sleep-state might have been trying to tell her, after she had been so monumentally exposed to one-sided genocide material. "The whole world seems to think the Turks were guilty of exterminating the Armenian race. Could so many people be wrong, my little kitty? It is true, after all, that the Turks are simply no good, isn't it?...Why, even the dictionary tells us they are savages. All of these different governments vote on resolutions concluding the genocide must have been a fact. Surely politicians wouldn't allow themselves to so vote, if they did not thoroughly research the ins and outs of the story. Who am I to doubt their findings? Is it possible that the Ottoman Turks truly wished to wipe the Armenian people off the face of the earth..?"